changes

Changes, a verb that means 'not constant'... either way that's how I put it if someone ever tries to ask me what its meaning. I'm not quite fond of change btw -- but, I guess it's not that bad either; a little change can be good especially if one is aiming a balanced and healthy good environment.

a lot has changed since then, especially when I was about to go to college. I was once a dreamless girl who just wants to have a decent job, simply go on with life without any goals and just be contented and happy of what I already have. Nonetheless, that's just a part of my seemingly irremovable habit of procrastination.

But ever since I transferred and faced a high-competitive class of people, of course I was forced to change my ideals and became one of them. I competed and somehow achieved something I can be proud of. For once, I was a simple-minded person who just wants a simple life without hardships. But now, I guess, I no longer have that trait. I intend achieving every bits of my goals, even if it cost me everything I have. Of course, I'm afraid --- who isn't? Especially if you're in a place where you ain't very familiar with. A place where no acquaintances exist to help you if you ever needed help. Okay, I lied. But somehow, I want to put it that way so that I can't resort on asking anyone for help or simply saying I don't want to depend on anyone at that point of my life.

I've always been too dependent of the people around me which makes them hate me of some sort. After being thrown by the dump I guess it's really hard to depend on people nowadays --- even trust. Even I who can't throw a fake smile before seemed too easy nowadays. Simply, because I've stop caring.

But that doesn't mean I've become anti-social --- schizoid or whatever... it's just, I decided to prioritize myself more than any other. Love yourself is quite a priority one to me, since I never really love myself before. So, to those who ever made me realize my worth --- I'm very grateful. Seriously, I am. My mother said, people do come and go; some friends stay, some don't. For once, I hated being left alone. But now, I guess am quite used to it. Besides, I'd rather be by myself than to have someone who needs guidance as if it were a child. It's a pain in the ass, especially when the only thing they need to do is decide what they want to eat in a fast food chain.

So, being left alone is not that bad besides it's not my loss either, actually, I've gained something --- which is self-respect. At first, it's hard but eventually you'll get used to it. On that point, it made me realize that change can be a bittersweet moment; it can actually be a turning point of your life in which, uhh, can make you strong and decide for your own accord and not because someone's telling you what to do or should do --- even burden you of something irrelevant.Now, am on the verge of choosing Path A towards Path B. But either way, choosing one would eventually change everything. But atleast I have someone who supports me all the way without pulling me down. For now, all I have to do is hope that everything will workout as planned.