Ever since I was a kid, I wanted to explore the world. But ever since I was in highschool, I decided not to dream of it anymore, because it seemed impossible. Now, I still believe in that thought, afterall, I'm still here in a place I grew up with and nothing seemed to flourish.
I envy those people who seemed so lucky enough to go to the place I've always wanted, they seemed brainless and well, unskillful yet because of family background (sometimes because of being a "nanahikari" son/daughter) and moreover it's because of lineage of ancestry; it's not impossible for them to go there. I alone suffered a great loss having to stay in a place I no longer dream of staying... but what choice do I have? I don't have money to explore, to take risk into...and sadly I don't have enough experience to pursue such risks...
Sometimes, I ask God, why is it so unfair? I can give more, I can prove you more that I'm worth it, but why am I stuck here? Why isn't it me whose in there? Why them? Why are those insignificant creatures can able to go there while am stuck here in this kind of situation? Either way, I'm more intelligent and capable than them, so どうしてあたしがここにいるのよ？I so can relate with how Chiaki Shinichi of Nodame Cantabile felt. Is it just because they're rich and I'm not? or just because they're descendants of a certain country that's why it's easier for them to migrate? Am I not good enough? My sentiments. My frustrations. Everything. That's just about it.
Although, am frustrated of that thought, am nowhere near of giving up! I haven't given everything yet. My Mom always said, maybe it's not the time, you're time will come eventually, don't rush things, if its meant to be then its meant to be. And I believe her, my time will definitely come, maybe for now, it's not yet time. But surely, someday, I know I can grasp my dreams and fully explore the world without any hindrance at all. I know, because God is always been good, He never ever forsaken me. I will still believe that someday, the place where I wanna be will be on my grasp.
