realizations

constantly used by others, and taking all the liberty to fully make use of my "kindness" etc... or so I thought. I have these kinds of thoughts lately that bothers me either way. And just maybe these thoughts are the very reason why am definitely becoming jaded. These awful memories are the turning point of me becoming distrustful even to my closest friends which is scaring me the most.

I just realized that am trying to avoid them as much as possible or don't want to engage or get in touch with them or anything that regards to them. It's never okay to have "avoidance" issue, since avoiding is one of those sub-categories of having behavioral problems. And who would want to have that? Anyway...

Maybe I have PSTD or posttraumatic stress disorder that could have triggered these episode of avoidance. Okay I maybe exaggerating things at some point but I have to find ways to remove this feeling of doubt towards others because it's starting to scare the hell out of me...

...and maybe I have to stop watching Psychological police procedural TV series for awhile...since it's not helping me either... haha.. But am pretty sure this sort of "paranoia" won't last, am just being jumpy for awhile since I still haven't recovered for being heartbroken, afterall you being left out by your friends over some stupid reasons is just too much (noone stood up on you, it just sucks).