somehow, because this is definitely a blog. I have any right to post whatever I want to. And it's up to you if you want to read it or not. Just don't give me crap saying how lousy my post can be, 'cause who gave you orders to read it anyway? It's a matter of releasing a negative aura out of my system to maintain balance, that's why I'm doing such crap! So bug off! If you don't like it-- i suggest you stay away and remain like that for the rest of your life. Don't bother commenting on a crap post such as this, 'cause it'll be a waste of time. Promise.
Back to the topic. I was stuck in a thought last night, how life can be unfair.. I've been thinking a lot lately about shit and stuff which led me to compare myself to others. For some reason, what I've attained can be a breathtaking to others. But, obviously it's not something I can be proud of or be contented. True, I've achieved something no ordinary people can do/have but I still believe it wasn't really due to my real capabilities/potential.
I still have more to discover. And I hated the fact that there's restrictions to it, which gives me frustration on how to break the wall, just for me to be able to spread my full potential. First, my problem will always be financial support. Second, time. I don't have much time left, not that I'm saying I'm going to die, because it's definitely not it! It's just, I have responsibilities on my own, which restrains me to do whatever I want. I have too many plans but due to the "restrictions" restraining me to do so; it became the main reason why I can't move. Now, who said only those 'disabled ones' can't move freely, I, myself is incapacitated already.
Furthermore, I can't totally tell you how frustrated I am, or to where extent am able to suppress such frustrations. Also, I never thought that a certain *blah* can ruin my sanity and my rationality. Therefore, it came in a WRONG or rather BAD timing.
Afterall, for what's worst I know I should be happy but how can I lie to myself when I am rather in a badmood situation? So what do you suggest me to do? Lie about my feelings? It never rang to me to tell other people on how good they are. Who cares? Nobody really cared about how good a person can be anyway. Only fools say that. So why do I even bother of caring for others potential and GREATNESS when nobody ever noticed my existence in the first place?
So what if I hurt my ego? Don't ever lie to me about don't having one, 'cause everyone of us definitely have an ego! We all have sins and egos lurking around somewhere... we all have our darkness (don't even remind me of my stupidity years ago... what the heck, I even made a "philosophy" out of it... and yeah back then I believe, I've lost it, my sanity...I mean)
You know what, just a piece of advice just a little consideration on my part. You don't know exactly how I've been through...what's struggles I have to face each day, how I fight that "struggles" or how much I try to hide my frustrations, so if you don't have anything else better to do just keep it to yourself. Just like what I'm always doing. I don't need to brag.
Everything can be seen, results can leak through time, you don't need to spread it like rumor or pretend like you're a "stage mother". 'Cause no matter what, who cares~ every people who says "wow" or whatever they say... it's a sign of hypocrisy. Hypocrisy is everywhere. You can't take it away, it's already there, even before you were born, as long as you can feel, hear or whatsover; as long as your ancestry's doing the same thing over and over again, you can also inherit it. Yes, I believe hypocrisy is like a genetic disease.
So here's the catch, keep the enthusiasm to yourself. Because definitely I don't need it. Thank you.
Well, my second topic will be a... not-so-hateful topic. Of course. 'Cause, I've eliminated my negative vibes. SO to maintain balance, my good-side-version will now do the talking. As if I am AB. I tend to have double personality problem but I don't have such illness. Sorry to break it up.
In anycase, here goes nothin'... later that night, I received a text message from a dear friend of mine. Saying, how frustrated she was, how she can't accept reality or whatsoever. Well, for starters I know how she feels.
But, as a friend, and also as the person who overcome such y'know. Well, uh-- I know how frustrations can get to me... especially how i react on my frustrations. I can be a total jerk sometimes, or rather always. But-- if you think it of, as long as you keep trying, pushing yourself to the limits. Somehow, later on you have overcome such phase. All you have to do, is move forward and not to think of the past.
It's reoccurring, I know, I've been into such situation a couple of times, and I kept on blaming myself for my lack of determination and such. For everything I do I always tend to procrastinate. Even a special friend of mine told me not to procrastinate I always tend to do so. So in the first place, I shouldn't regret what has already happened since in the beginning I was the one who made a mistake which led to a fatal result.
So... the only advice I can give you, my dear friend. Is to keep trying, there's no hard in trying. I know I have been frustrated with my current status but it never stopped me. I admit I always complain but even so I'm still continuing to pursue my dreams. Right now, it gave me more reason to work hard and fulfill my dreams. So why not do the same? Even if you fail today, it doesn't mean you'll forever fail. There are sayings I want to share to you, and I hope this will enlighten you.
- “The greatest barrier to success is the fear of failure.”
- “The only real failure in life is the failure to try.”
- “There are no secrets to success. It is the result of preparation, hard work, and learning from failure.”
- “Failure is a detour, not a dead-end street.”
- “Failures are finger posts on the road to achievement.”
- “Think like a queen. A queen is not afraid to fail. Failure is another steppingstone to greatness.”
- “Failures are finger posts on the road to achievement.”
